Offence much

I was on a phone call the other day when a phrase found its way into the conversation, “Girls are so much drama”. This didn’t come up from that sexist uncle who decided that woman ‘belong’ to the kitchen, or the auntie who told me that I’d look prettier if I lost some weight. Honestly, I would’ve been a little less sad if it came from one of them. It instead came from a friend of mine, of my age with the same amount of education and exposure to our world. It was disheartening. The cherry on top was how all the other people who listened to this reacted. They refused to take action voluntarily. They simply agreed or laughed at it.

I have never been accustomed to accepting what doesn’t seem morally correct to me, so I raised my voice against it. This bought about an awkward moment for everyone else around and gave space and reason for them to ask me to ‘calm down’ or call me ‘extra’. So, here’s what I want to say about this age-old assumption.

For several years, we’re used to listening to comments like “Women are women’s worst enemies”. It has even found its way into becoming the theme of the countless number of daily soaps, featuring the mother-in-law /daughter-in-law dynamics or two girls ‘fighting’ for a man. A number of actresses are put in a spot when forced to answer questions like, “Can two actresses be friends when they ought to be rivals?” and this list goes on and on.

What is the wrong of this thought? Why should we stand up against it? And how is this a result of the patriarchy inbuilt in us?

The age-old misogyny has made us believe that women gossip a lot or ‘create a scene’ by being unnecessarily dramatic. This undoubtedly gives way for men to not take up responsibility for being the cause of drama or spreading gossip. ‘Men don’t hate on other men’, ‘Men don’t get jealous’ and other such baseless thoughts clearly play a role in portraying men as an emotionally and mentally superior being. Further, echo the assumption that women are the source of drama. This thought also completely denies and removes the sense of healthy competition between two women.

Oh, how often than not do we have to come across to the term, ‘catfight’, don’t we?

However, times are changing. Women are taught to stand up for each other, fight against what’s wrong, and fight for each other’s rights. Unfortunately, patriarchy pokes its nose here too. Women are again faced with a question, a different one now but one that is equally wrong and misogynistic.

“Are woman best friends now?” or “Is a girl another girl’s best friend or worst enemy”

My dear friend, let me give you the answer to you in one word. NEITHER.

Break it down to you further? Yes, please.

We woman have a sense of a middle ground. We are taught now and then to balance everything in our lives and trust me, we’ve learned well. We know how to balance our emotions; we know how to balance between being best friends and worst enemies. We know how to have a normal relationship without any strong emotion of love or hatred for another woman.

We get along fine even when our lives are moving ahead in a completely different direction. We have genuine respect for each other even when we are in complete disagreement with their perspective. 

Dear people, before you ask us this again, ask yourself. Why aren’t men faced with the same question? Why is it easier for men to get away from the responsibility of owning up to a scene they’ve created? If your answer is the age-old misogyny, then CHANGE. See us outside your script of patriarchy and you’ll see us just as similar to yourself.

But please don’t stop yourself from questioning us. Ask us. Ask us about our ambition, our goals, what we want from our life, and where we want to be. Ask us about our sexuality or what love means to us. Ask us about the other people that inspire us and about the person we want to grow up to be.

It’ll be our pleasure to share these parts of our lives with you.

Dear women, never mind if we once dated the same guy or competed for the same job. If we have tried but still don’t get along with each other or if we are on completely different pages. We can still be on the same boat.

I promise to be by your side while you fight your battles. I’ll sit with you over a cup of coffee where we talk about our lives that don’t seem to meet at any point. I’ll be there, not out of love or hatred but just mere respect.

You aren’t my best friend or my worst enemy. You’re another woman striving every day, fighting, surviving, and succeeding.

You aren’t dramatic for expressing your emotions or creating a scene for standing up for what you believe in.

You’re strong, opinionated, independent, and beautiful. For a human like you, what else do you deserve but mere respect?

All I can hope for is that we don’t take a rebuke on our ability to make mature human relationships. Friendships are built on trust, loyalty and mutual respect, and anyone willing to come together can build a good and healthy friendship irrespective of their gender.

Ps: This is not a personal attack on my friend. It’s rather a personal attack on each and every one of us who have voluntarily been a silent victim to such statements and mindset.

You can all gasp now.   
 
 
 

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