Udiyo

Some people believe that the word Masakali comes from Turkish, which refers to a fairy tale related to a white pigeon. Others are of the belief that no such word exists. If you ever get a chance to watch the video, you’ll see the main protagonist with a white pigeon over her head. The song is beautiful.

Set in Puraani Delhi, the song talks about the freedom of the bird, urging it to leave those who don’t know how to fly behind. Become one with the wind and fly high with grace.

Tujhe kya gham, tera rishta

Gagan ki baansure se hain

Pawan ki Guftagu se hain

Sooraj ki Roshani se hain

The lines can be transliterated for you, but the essence of it is in Hindi itself. Songs like this, with the vibes of puraani Delhi, give me a sense of nostalgia. I never belonged there, and I probably never will, but with Puraani Delhi, I have a sense of Hireath.

Hireath is the Welsh word for the longing for a place that never truly belonged to you. Precisely, the longing for a home that was never a home. Delhi, for me, is that place. A place where my mother grew up, a place where she had the chance to be a 90s kid and live that 90s romance that I have forever dreamt of, but she didn’t.

This song only came back to my memory recently, and on the ride to college, I played it on a loop, trying to understand every verse, every line, and its essence. Bird, fly high, leave this stagnant world behind is the basic narrative of the song. Bird, fly high.

The seat at the end of the ground was always empty back in college. A small stone bench from where the entire ground can be seen. Women playing football, a couple of students chitchatting, walking across. But nobody looks at this seat. It is almost as if you disappear when you sit here. You can watch the world while hiding from it. A little voyeuristic pleasure, if you may.

But when you’re done looking at the ground and the people, you look up and notice how several different trees stand in front of you. A home for the birds to come and go. In Bangalore, on the roads, I don’t see birds; I see vehicles and traffic, and cute couples and some cute kids, but never birds. But here, in this corner, you’re allowed to unapologetically look at the birds. Parrots, Pigeons, and even cuckoos. Some birds I don’t know the name of; they come and go as they please. You make no difference to them. You can watch them for hours, though. There were days that I did the same.

“We saw so many birds that I don’t know their names,” I said after my first birdwatching day.

It’s a weird pleasure to be able to see how different they are from each other. In the sky, they fly differently. They fly alone sometimes or in large groups. Small birds hide, and parrots are mostly seen in groups of three. Cuckoos are almost never seen unless you go near the trees and look carefully. You can try humming back at them, but only if you’re good do they respond. They never respond to me.

“When I’m old and free, I’ll go birdwatching with my best friend. I’ll have a pair of binoculars and a book with names of birds in it.” I don’t find the need to learn the names of the birds though, watching them gives me enough joy. When I used to sit back there and look carefully at the birds, sometimes alone, sometimes with Jumaanah, I found a sense of peace. I liked being invisible to these species. I never bothered them, either.

Since college, I have looked up at birds, noticed how different they look, and how similar they behave. In between this flight, birds coming in and out, and this invisibility, I found a grounding, a sense of peace that continues to be with me today.

A sense of peace I haven’t found anywhere else. Everyone says that a sense of belonging comes from a place. Bangalore for me, is home, but no place makes me belong like this small corner of the football ground in Jyoti Nivas College.

When I say I love this place, I mean, I love who it makes me. This place ironically makes me want to sing to myself, 

Zara Pankh Jatak aur Dhool Batak, 

Aur Lachak Machak ke door Batak. 

If letting go of something you absolutely loved to grow and become better could be a place, this corner in the college would be it for me.